2008 World Telekinesis Competition

Team Profiles

Plastic Shamen

Our coven intends to influence the tournament candle with a multi-pronged attack that will set into motion a chain of global, temporal, and trans-dimensional telekinetic events. The elements will slam-dance into each other, gaining psychic energy until our opponents are slathered in encaustic, waxen defeat! We aim to channel-chant at intuitive and active frequencies that will galvanize the air molecules around the candle in tune with the exact sympathetic resonation of our combined psyches, using intention and will as the delivery system for our sonic violence across space.

Once we have a subconscious telekinetic lock on the fundamental forces within the quantum mechanics of the structure of the air molecules, we will be able to consciously affect the pillar of flame across the aether with the pulsating hum of unified cerebral voco-kinesis, carefully tuned to frequencies that are inaccessible to the opposing challengers. As more oxygen molecules are sucked into the voracious flame and the wax reaches drip threshold, we will simultaneously harness the Winds of Holland (which will carry to us the telekinetic blessings of Pele) and, with fierce concentration, tear open a portal to the 5th dimension of the cosmic maelstrom within.

Tune in to our psycho-dirge, feel our wrath!

Marlaina Buch discovered her telekinetic gift due to two separate experiments. After making fun of the pseudo spiritual babble of her drop-in yoga instructor, she became enamoured with the class closing "om" chant. As a result of a renewed interest in her cultural heritage, she was at the same time practicing alpine folk yodelling in deserted parks. She began to couple intention-wishing with vocal play and noticed successful results, that is, after wishing the yoga instructor would stop ringing her annoying chimes during the pleasurable "om-ing" she not only did, but had a small coughing fit. Similarly, her desire for people to leave the woodlands she practiced yodelling in was achieved as people reached a certain distance. Marlaina decided to hone her telekinetic talents with sound and now competes internationally. POW! ZOCK!

For several years now, Rebecca Michaels has been a fanatic collector of dried flora and fauna, particularly the anatomical limbs of extinct animals. She is currently exploring both the regions of space-time and telekinesis in the hopes that she will someday be able to re-animate her deceased menagerie. She has offered her talents to the Plastic Shamen and is honoured to be among them. Her stratagem in this telekinetic challenge is to approach the flaming torch intensely from 1 angle, but from several points in time until the candle that is, was, and will be spills its wax on the lee side. She will employ her mercurial psycho-enhancatron to channel the cosmic vortex. The attached image was taken with a special psycho -chemical ion filter and captures the gyrating energy waves with stunning clarity.

Jared Brandle is a combobulator technician of small inverted retrosnub icosicosidodecahedron and trapezoidal hexecontahedron air fresheners with such scents as honey surf, blue pine berry, raspberry goat milk, and lime sweat. Jared's free time is devoted to glow in the dark guitar soloing to Van Halen. The extent of his telekinetic powers are unknown.