Chuck Bergeron is >95% the same as a chimpanzee. His favourite pastimes include doing the dishes, filling out paperwork, and eating peanuts. Chuck extends a loving telepathic embrace to all of you. Nothing -- it lasts forever!

Jacob Fauvelle: I have but one function in life: to win this contest. After emerging ass first from the La Brea Tar Pits I wandered the streets of Los Angeles in the nude, for 38 days I walked around hopelessly lost and confused, that's when a man named Natas Drol Krad an illegal "Mexican" immigrant came to my rescue. He showed me the "ins and outs" of L.A.'smigrant alien prostitution ring or the LAmapring for short. It is there that I learned the skills of the trade, my Lama(pring) taught me such moves as the Psychic Donkey Punch, and the Reverse Telekinetic Reach Around. One day the federales found us out so I moved to Canada where I used my new found mental abilities to get people to buy me dinner and befriend local dogs and cats and dogz and catz and dawgz... sorry, mental time loop from multiple alternate universes... again. Anyways, I'm hoping to win this contest to raise my public profile enough to meet Leonardo DiCaprio, so I can get him to foot the bill on bird's nest soup and caviar baths.

Kaja Kiegler blows away minds with time bending capabilities. Don't stop her now! Enjoys longs walks along the canal while pondering the essence of time and why it is that we have happened to come into existence, i.e., wants into the Church of Euthanasia but fears she is not "dark" enough.