2010 World Telekinesis Competition

Team Profiles

Malevenia Analysticians

Participating for the third year in a row in the World Telekinesis Competition, the Malevenia Analysticians may be the only organization that truly understands the role that this coming together of psychic energies plays within and beyond our universe. We are not merely playing games here, as other teams in this competition may be -- we are playing, as they say, for keeps. Though it is patently obvious that the organizers of this competition have little understanding of the gravity of the events they bring together every year, their importance, as well as our own role within them, is crystal clear to us. Not only must we TRIUMPH in the competition itself, but we must simultaneously succeed in battling the forces whose only goal is to plant in the minds of the world the MEMORY that we have not in fact won the competition. For it is only once we have achieved victory in the competition (as we have done now twice) AND in the minds of the judges, our competitors, and the public, that our true project can be unveiled, and our enemies unmasked for the insidious villains they are. And make no mistake, we will strike down with all the fury of a wild beast any human or force which attempts to meddle with us. That is to say, if any person, be they competitor, audience or moderator of the competition's activities, shall make any attempt to negate our righteous win, we will bring upon you every evil force we have the power to summon. Be warned!

The Malevenia Analysticians remain a potent triumvirate that brings together the forces of mind control, black magic, and good intentions. Our team is made up of an ESP prodigy, a Ouija master with undisclosed ties to the government, and a professionally trained assistant with a broad range of mental and physical skills.

Cindy Baker: Cindy Baker, formerly one of the world's most inimitable double agents in the field of psychic espionage, now uses her wealth of experience and boundless mental talents in the development of a new school of 'sensitivity' training, guiding gifted children and latently talented adults to develop their psychic and telekinetic abilities. With a background in the very formalized military psycho-kinetic school of training geared towards mind control and yes, even life energy termination, Baker is now dedicated to the creation of a new, mind-expanding academy of psychic arts and sciences with more creative goals and multidisciplinary applications.

Though formally retired from the world of psychic espionage, as one of the three founding and practicing analysticians that make up the powerfully sinister Malevenia Analysticians, Baker keeps her fingers in the pie which is the darker side of telekinetic practice. Sacrificing her own reputation as a "good" or "benevolent" psychic for the benefit of this earth and everything on it, Baker understands what the rest of the world cannot fully comprehend about the complex role that this group must play within our universe.

David Lariviere: After rising to fame and notoriety with psychic stunts such as the telekinetic projection of audience members' car keys into the pockets of rival the "amazing" Kreskin, LaRiviere suddenly retired from show biz spectacle only to fall headlong into the shadows of intrigue. Rumours have circulated that the intrepid mentalist was approached by powerful cloaked figures to head up the top secret counter-counter-counter intelligence area of the as yet undisclosed, super-secret world government. Still others would have us believe that LaRiviere himself, arguably captured on the famous "Zappuddle" tapes, can be overheard to say "Fuck him, Paul McCartney's dead anyway. I must proceed with project overlordy-lord." (Yet again still others insist that it's actually Oprah on tape saying nothing more than "pass the catsup." Conclusive voice print analysis is still pending.) Today we await his re-emergence on the eve of the World Telekinesis Competition, and along with his formidable team mates, the unthinkably horrible revelation: of immersive nanobots dipped in what flavour of chocolate the likes of which defies description any resemblance of heaven or hellfor which one may still harbour hope against hope that there are reasons to pursue, either with foreign populations abroad, or even between the politics that you and I may share, regardless of the diverse sensory input that we gather by staring at Do you know what I mean?!

Megan Morman: As a child in rural Minnesota, yearning for acceptance and searching for answers to the terrifying powers threatening to overwhelm her, Megan Morman turned to the world of High-IQ Societies: Mensa, Intertel, & ISPE. Though amusing, she soon grew tired of their puniness -- but not before discovering the occult writings of Crowley, Blavatsky, and famous Freemason Sebastian S. Kresge (founder of K-mart).

Now an adult, Morman relies on unassuming AIDS charity work as a guise, busying her body with mundane actions such as making coffee and running up and down the stairs. Who could guess that this shy, smiley fat girl, during her copious free mental CPU cycles, strategizes and orchestrates elaborate mental campaigns against her enemies, the enemies of her friends, and the friends of her enemies. In securing victory for her teammates, 'By Any Means Necessary' is Morman's vow.