2011 World Telekinesis Competition

Team Profiles

The Malevenia Analysticians Classique

As the oft-maligned and formally unrecognized 3-time winners of the World Telekinesis Competition, the GENUINE Malevenia Analysticians Classique have a renowned history within the extrasensory, supersensory and suprasensory (ESSS) communities and the broader still supersuprasensory communities (ESSSQUE). Given that the founding analysticians operate within the proprietary Malevenic tradition, the Malevenia Analysticians Classique claim the rightful ownership of the title of the only true Malevenian Analystics.

The Malevenia Analysticians remain a potent triumvirate that brings together the forces of mind control, black magic, and ***DANIELLE**. Our team is made up of an ESP prodigy, a Ouija master with undisclosed ties to the government, and a ****DANIELLE***. Make no mistake, we will strike down with all the fury of a wild beast any human or force which attempts to meddle with us. That is to say, if any person, be they competitor, audience member or moderator of the competition's activities, shall make any attempt to negate our righteous win, we will bring upon you every evil force we have the power to summon. Your eyes will become as snakes and your puny body will break out into puss-y boils and the occasional zit and thereafter be ground to dust. Gleefully we will preside over your obliteration. We thank you for your attention (Classique). ARRRGGGGHHHHHH! and ***********DANIELLE********** /end transmission.

Cindy Baker: Cindy Baker's passion for the telekinetic arts is clearly visible in her fervent commitment to the GENUINE Malevenia Analysticians Classique . Subverting the cosmic flow of psychic energy to harness the ensuing feelings of helplessness generated within the weaklings of the earth's lesser human inhabitants, which creates a reality of duality, Baker fearlessly looks into the mirror of this duality in order to face her other self and defeat her most dangerous opponents. Forgoing a truly lucrative career in the psycho-kinetic academe to pursue her thankless role in the universe's most misunderstood malevolent powerhouse of psychic energies, Baker remains staunchly devoted to the paranormal phenomenon of the Malevenia Analysticians.

Dave-Id Guy LaRiviere, esquire: Long-time clandestine liaison between the nether regions of supernatural skullduggery and CIA driven experiments in mind-control, Dave-Id Guy LaRiviere (a.k.a. "Mr. Mister Kincaid") returns for yet another year of telekinesis dominance as the team oral surgeon for the Original Recipe Malevenia Analysticians (Classique ). Contrary to all that we know of science & humanity, preposterous rumours seem to persist that the "M.A. Clan" (as their legions of entranced, drooling fans have come to know them) have not actually won three official W.T.C. tournaments in a row, and that last year's championship was a giant cover-up covering up an even greater, giant cover-up! If this was not bad enough, gossip has been exponentially spreading that there has been a break within Analystician ranks, claiming that one of the intrepid renegades has gone renegade-renegade. Tracked down in his subterranean lair several kilometres beneath the crust of Saskatoon's Mid Town Plaza LaRiviere had this to say: "Pish-posh! Let the old man of www.mkultra-foods.com stare down these fallacious whispers and set the record straight once and for all: Megan is Danielle, Danielle is Megan, Megan is Danielle, and ALL who dare challenge us are DOOOOOMED TO DEFEAT. MALEVENIA FOREVER!!!!"

Danielle Raymond: As a child in rural Ontario, yearning for acceptance and searching for answers to the questions threatening to overwhelm her, Danielle turned to the world of natural history. Amused by the reductive groundswell, she soon grew tired and incredulous - but not before discovering that her wide-ranging knowledge of the natural world allowed her to communicate with deceased pets. Before long, mental calisthenics enabled her to do more... so much more...

Now as an adult, Danielle relies on unassuming work in an elementary school as a guise, busying her body with mundane actions such as making photocopies and running up and down the stairs. Who could guess that this shy, smiley fat girl strategizes and orchestrates elaborate mental campaigns against her enemies, the enemies of her friends, the friends of her enemies and the former friends of her friends. Securing victory for her teammates, 'By Any Means Necessary' is her pledge, a pledge she takes very serially. Thank you, have a nice day.